And the cartoon, courtesy of the New York Post, wonderful source of sensitivity that it is:
Now, look, she does look fat in that picture. But we all know, the wrong camera angle positioning can make anyone look bad....
OK, sympathy time over. According to reliable sources, this is what went down in The Simpson Estate:
Jessica saw this cartoon. Mashed it up, then un-crumpled it and looked at it again. Then crumpled it up again, threw it against a wall. Her butler said "Ms. Simpson, are you OK?" and Jessica started hyperventalating. Ultimately, the butler grabbed a paper bag for Jessica to breathe into (he saw this trick watching The Jeffersons, it always worked when Weezie pissed George off) and she calmed a bit. The butler then called Daddy Joe Simpson the Svengali and explained the problem.
In the meantime, Jessica deeply contemplated opening a healthy can of Chicken of the Sea Tuna (I see why that's confusing, dear). Ultimately, Jess decided she'd rather reach for the Family-Super-Size bag of Doritos....and a pint of Haagen Daas Strawberry Cheesecake Surprise.
Then Pappa Joe called the Simpson Estate and tried to calm Jess down. After about 20 minutes of trying to be rational with her - no dice - Pappa Joe reminded Jess that despite all the bad press, she's filthy-stinkin'-rich and will never have to work another day if she doesn't want to.
That calms down the crying a bit. Jessica scarfs down another pint of Haagen Daas and goes to sleep.
Here's another recommendation of something funny to read. Its 18 freakin' degrees outside, funny is always good.
There's a new site called sorry-mom.com in which women blog "I bang the worst dudes." There's pics of these poor saps with their faces barely covered (is this legal?) See picture to your right.
Here's a few choice passages:
"When I went down on him, he asked me if I wanted a warning before he came. I said yes, please, and when it was time, he said, “Warning! This is your warning!” Gotcha, dude."
"This guy has a dickring, pees in sinks and once when we were supposed to f***, he instead ate 3 cheeseburgers then fell asleep on the couch and farted all night long."
"5 minutes after I met this guy he dumped a giant beer on my best friend, called her a 'fat bitch' several times and threatened to beat up her boyfriend. He’s covered in these god awful satanic tattoos and when we got to his place he made me watch Sixteen Candles and listen to a bunch of gangsta rap."
January 25, 2009
Not to mess with Oprah's mojo, but I'm going to make a book recommendation. Its the best kind of book - one you buy in an airport gift shop, anticipating a 5 hour flight, with zero expectations. Just wanting to make the time pass a little easier.
This book was much more than that.
Why We Suck: A Feel Good Guide to Staying Fat, Loud, Lazy & Stupid by "Doctor" Denis Leary - complete with Leary holding a fizzled sparkler on the cover - has page after page of material that will make you laugh out loud. While other people on the plane think you're nuts.
Some of you know Leary from the FX show Rescue Me - others, from the hit 1993 song "I'm an Asshole." Yes - younger readers - there was a hit song 15 years ago called "I'm an Asshole." Leary happens to be from Worcester, MA, where I went to college, When the song became a hit, I can't tell you how many bartenders, bouncers etc. beamed with pride, telling me "I KNOW that guy."
"I'm an Asshole" = civic pride. Apparently.
Back to the book. You have to put any semblance of political correctness you have aside to appreciate Leary's humor. In other words, if you like my blog, you'll love Leary's book. It's offensively funny, but not intending to be offensive and "shock" the reader. Just funny. If that makes sense. The hits keep coming.
I highlighted one passage that I vowed to retype when I landed. If you've ever had to hear politicians blah blah blah about immigration, "tightening our borders" etc, you will find this to be a revelation. It makes so much sense:
Here's the deal - we were lucky enough to steal from the Indians a great piece of land that we have turned into the richest country in the world and one of the reasons is location, location, location -- we have two neighbors on our metaphorical block. One group looks like us and acts like us, they just like to play hockey and drink beer and marry our women. The other group? They DON'T look like us but they just want to work. And prey. And marry each other.
Do you realize that most of Europe, all of the Middle East, and everyone who lives anywhere near China would give their nation's left ball to have even ONE of our neighbors next to them? Anyone else would be handing out free skates, beer & beef enchiladas.
Not here, though. Fear & financial worry turn someone who doesn't look or sound like us into the enemy at hand.
I gotta beliefve if Sweeden was located right below Texas and six-foot-tall, long-legged blond chicks in hot pants and halter tops were sneaking over the border just begging to landscape our lawns? Every single senator would be lining up to sign a bill not only allowing them in -- but making sure their backyards got worked on first!
January 15, 2009
Please take the time to read this article. I don't get all preachy about donations and fundraisers - most of you come to me to party, I *get* that - but this guy Aaron Jackson is an absolute force:
To find out specifically more about the organization, or **donate** go to plantingpeace.org
I've been emailing Aaron about doing a fundraiser here in NYC at one of my venues. It doesn't seem as though he has ties here in Manhattan and I'd like to change that.
I mean - think about it - if there really is a better charity than one that takes literally a $.02 donation, and with that two cents changes a child's life completely, I don't know about it.
December 8, 2008
Quote of the year:
"So, for those of you keeping track at home: Double murder -- no time in prison. Stealing back your own football cards -- 15 years."
-- Jimmy Kimmel Live, on O.J. Simpson's sentence Friday.
September 29, 2008
I found this at metstailgate.com, a popular blog and pretty representative of what I've been hearing on WFAN this afternoon. The anger is palpable:
The Mets' 25th Hour
I'm usually reasonable and level headed towards the sports teams I follow. I'm generally able to retain my rationality, reminding myself that it's just a game when my team loses. However, the 2008 Mets have brought out the worst in me, perhaps because I was at the "Shea Goodbye" finale. I need an outlet for this frustration.
The result is this one-time-only absurdly negative post. So, with a nod to this scene starring Edward Norton from Spike Lee's film "25th Hour", here is my soliloquy on the '08 Mets. Apologies for the excessive expletives, if that bothers you:
"Fuck the 2008 Mets.
Fuck Scott Schoeneweis… Omar Minaya passed on re-signing Chad Bradford for you? If you don't want to get booed on opening day, why don't you learn how to get out righthanded batters and strand some inherited runners.
Fuck Pedro Martinez… $51 million for a 32-23 record, 3.88 ERA, and an absolutely awful 2008.
Fuck worthless Marlon Anderson and his transition from 'best pinch hitter on the planet' to 'worst hitter on the Mets.'
Fuck meatball tossing Duaner Sanchez… your Florida cab ride happened 2.5 years ago – move the fuck on!
Fuck Ryan Church… you can't control bad-luck injuries, but you can control an atrocious .220/.305/.307 August and September.
Fuck Luis Castillo… you absolutely killed the Mets down the stretch with inability to hit the ball out of the infield and your non-stop rally killing outs. And don't get me started on Argenis Reyes, cause he makes Luis Castillo look good.
Fuck the Wilpons… these are the NEW YORK METS not the BROOKLYN DODGERS. Why is Citi Field becoming Ebbets Field North? You guys are the only ones calling for 4 more years of Omar Minaya.
Fuck $15 parking, $8.00 for a beer, and $4.75 a hot dog. You think Fred and Jeff Wilpon didn't approve those prices? Give me a fuckin' break.
Fuck Carlos Beltran… a great season, but when you guarantee 1st place in the NL East in spring training, you and your mates better back it up.
Fuck Luis Ayala for making Greg Norton look like Chipper Jones.
Fuck Luis Aguayo… you give every runner the green light for 3 months, then decide to hold up Carlos Delgado with the season on the line vs. the Cubs?
Fuck Citi Field… what use is a new stadium when no one wants to watch the team playing in it? Economic crisis? Let's raise ticket prices!
Fuck tobacco chompin', save blowing, always-got-something-to-say Billy Wagner.
Fuck Aaron "Home Run" Heilman… I was once your biggest defender, but this season was an unmitigated disaster. 5.45 BB/9 and 1.18 HR/9 ain't gonna cut it in this town buddy.
Fuck Brian Schneider for mailing it in from April to July.
Fuck Jose Reyes… an otherwise terrific season marred by a 2-13 final weekend. Get your shit together next September Jose.
Fuck Carlos Delgado… the MVP of the 2nd half, LVP of the 1st half. Your opening month .632 OPS didn't help the cause.
While we're at it, fuck Moises Alou and El Duque, they got off easy. A season on the DL, rehab at home, and comfortable retirement to look forward to.
Fuck Oliver Perez… Scott Boras wants $15 million a year for you? I've got exhibits A, B, C and D why you and your 98 ERA+ are worth half that.
Fuck Omar Minaya… the bullpen was the biggest culprit in 2007, so what did you do last offseason? You added non-factor Matt Wise and otherwise stood pat. Surprise, surprise, the bullpen was even WORSE in 2008. Ace in the hole Brian Stokes nearly saved your failure to improve the 'pen.
And fuck David Wright… biggest star on the Mets, the face of the franchise. Yet somehow with none out, man on 3rd, bottom of the 9th, you can't even lift a ball into the OF for a sac fly? Stare at that .243 BA w/RISP in the batting cage this offseason.
From the nosebleeds in the upper deck to the corporate field boxes; from the picnic area to the mezzanine; from the Home Run Apple to the skyboxes; from the 7 Train to the Loge; on the names of 4,000,000+ fans who came to watch Met baseball in 2008, let Shea Stadium burn to the ground."
I almost feel bad for putting this out on the Internet. A lot of these guys had really great seasons (Wright, Beltran, Delgado), and others had not-bad seasons (Perez, Church, Schneider). I'm glad to get that out of my system. Please forgive me on this day, and I promise to be there next season at Citi Field (perhaps if my company gives me some free tickets.) Look forward to some objective, statistically heavy posts about the Mets' crucial offseason.
Watching the Emmy's, and am really shocked and pleasantly surprised that the star of Breaking Bad (wow, I forgot his name, I was so mesmorized by the fact that the hair he wears in the show is a wig and he is actually bald) won Best Actor in a Drama. Not only THAT, but as I was editing this blog, Mad Men won best drama!
Breaking Bad is SUCH a terrific, gutsy show, written better than anything you'll see in a movie theater (see my review of "Sex & the City - the Movie" below - great show, shitty movie). Breaking Bad is about a disrespected high school chemistry teacher with lung cancer, and months to live....with a cute, albeit high-maintenance wife and mentally retarded kid....having a limited financial legacy to leave to his family, and also searching for excitement in what is left of his life....so he opens a crystal meth lab with an a flaky drug addict former student of his.
Mad Men is actually available ON DEMAND on your cable network...trust me, just watch it! It is sooooo good. A club guy like me that goes out all the time will not miss it.
I was really surprised by both wins.....
I totally expected some bloated network star to win, like William Shattner. He's won before, and I'd be more critical of that fact except that Boston Legal can be entertaining sometimes. Plus, I've introduced myself to people as such:
(firm handshake, eye contact)
No doubt, inspired by "Denny Crane"
Anyhoo. Congrats to Breaking Bad & Mad Men....in both cases, trust me, get the DVD set of the first season, you will be entertained!
While showboating, dancing wide receivers have become worn acts - even bordering on latter day Stepinfetchits - ESPN, naturally, can't get enough. Monday night, during Bengals-Packers, reporter Suzy Kolber, from the Cincy sideline, asked Chad Johnson, "What's up your sleeve for this season?"
Johnson spoke a lot of crazy talk, not one word of it funny, but promised that he will have some new routines. Then back to the booth, where play-by-player Mike Tirico had either been told a good joke or was forcing loud laughter.
Yep, the me-firsters of team sports always will be provided VIP status by ESPN. Or, as ESPN baseball analyst Orestes Destrade told us last October, "Manny Ramirez is the consummate professional."
August 11, 2008
OK, for a change, this post will be more substantive than pictures of hot Brazillian Twins.
Although it primarily deals with Chicago sports teams, it is easily appropos to the national sports scene (hello, Chad Johnson) and even New York (hello, "Starbury"). Interesting to note that neither athlete has ever been part of a team that has won so much as a playoff game/series, yet they draw so much attention to themselves that casual sports fans might think they're a big deal.
This is not just true about sports, clearly. Just turn on E!, Bravo, MTV, VH1....any of their "hit shows"....the dumbing down of our society has hit the breaking point!
Its interesting that Bravo will sandwich a show about "Real Housewives" and some no-talent attention whores named "Jo and Slade" around an episode of Inside the Actors Studio....or Law & Order: Criminal Intent....2 fantastic shows that are both entertaining & thought provoking.
Taking this one step further. I just saw The Dark Knight today, and felt the same way coming out that I did after watching the Sex & the City movie - that they were geared towards 13 year old kids, or a focus group in Iowa where a full set of teeth are optional. Heath Ledger did a nice job, and I know with his untimely death he's probably going to win an Oscar but...sorry, don't see it.
Anyway, I digress. This post was supposed to be about sports.
Here's Rick Morrisey:
This column is about the Cubs!
Better yet, this column is about the Cubs and their fabulous minor-league pitcher, former Notre Dame receiver Jeff Samardzija.
You read it correctly: This column is about the Cubs and Notre Dame football!
The only way that you, the reader, could care any more about this particular column is if I tell you that Brett Favre is going to be Samardzija's pitching coach.
One of the more interesting phenomena of the evolving newspaper business is the way we have started keeping track publicly which on-line stories readers view the most. If you go to chicagosports.com, a Tribune sports Web site, you will see a list of the current most-popular stories, based on the number of times readers e-mailed them.
Almost invariably, three out of the five top stories are about the Cubs. Another is about the Bears, and the fifth is about what the Bears think about the Cubs.
Unless Favre says he's transferring to Notre Dame.
It's hard not to look at this without starting to view it like a scorecard. And we writers, being competitive people, have noticed. If we write about the Cubs, the Bears, Notre Dame or Favre, we know what it feels like to be best-selling author John Grisham.
So I just would like to say: Brian Urlacher. I have nothing to report about Brian Urlacher, but I just would like to mention him here. Brian Urlacher.
If we write about the White Sox and the Bulls, we're more like author Jane Smiley—meaningful and award-winning, perhaps, but not megaselling.
By the way, I'm told the Bulls' Joakim Noah is a huge fan of No. 54. That's Brian Urlacher. The Bulls are going to thank me for that mention.
When we sportswriters type articles about the Blackhawks, we know we're going to have to be content with the idea that only a small, rabid section of the readership will read our stuff.
It's why Hawks marketing guy John McDonough is doing everything to get the franchise noticed. One of McDonough's recent masterstrokes was scheduling an outdoor Hawks- Red Wings game at Wrigley Field for the upcoming season. I don't want to do McDonough's job for him, but if he's serious about ensuring a top-five spot on our Web site, he will make a creative adjustment that would result in this headline: "Naked Hawks to get goose bumps—everywhere—at Wrigley."
If we write about the Rush and the Fire, we know what it feels like to be the guy who pens the how-to book on inner-city tractor repairs.
When I picked up Friday's sports section, I knew instantly that Bears writer David Haugh had a winner on his hands. There, on the front page, was a photographic rendering of Favre wearing a Bears' jersey, with Haugh's accompanying story on why the team owed it to itself and its fans to make a run at the disgruntled Packers quarterback. Genius.
The story was featured prominently and was among the top e-mailed and viewed on chicagotribune.com. The only way it could have been more popular is if Favre had said Wrigley was a dump.
Hmmmm, could be a follow-up story there.
The Favre-Bears story will be among the most-popular stories on chicagosports.com for days. I know this because Tribune NFL reporter Dan Pompei and I each wrote Favre stories last week that threatened to have Beatles-like staying power on the charts.
Chicago people are mesmerized by Favre, and Packers fans are scared to death he will wind up in Chicago. Despite what Bears fans say, Wisconsin people read too. It's the perfect storm, numbers-wise, for chicagosports.com.
Sox fans probably aren't too happy with the story rankings because it's very, very difficult for their team to crack the top five. The team simply is going to have to try harder. I'm thinking in terms of a felony or two. And it's not just the Tribune that sees lower numbers for the first-place Sox. It's the same at the Sun-Times.
This is dangerous territory for us newspaper folks. A lot of good stories have nothing to do with the hottest teams or people. Do we turn into a Cubs-Bears-Notre Dame publication because stories involving those teams seem to get the most "hits?"
What about stories that are worthwhile for no other reason than they're interesting? Are hard news and opinion pieces the only things that matter? What about well-written feature stories that shed light on a topic or humanize a person behind a goalie's mask?
Are we going to be a butcher's shop that sells only meat or are we going to be a grocery store that lets shoppers pick and choose?
I vote for the grocery store.
In the meantime, I would like to point out that the Cubs stink. Please put that in a headline, editors. And work Favre in there too.
Gotta admit, I'm starting to warm up to Obama. As a registered, life-long Libertarian, I supported my charisma-free 1.8%-of-the-vote-candidate, Bob Barr. Going to a Bob Barr rally was like having a front row seat to watch milk curdle.
Back to Obama. This makes SO much sense! Why didn't Bush - or ANY Congressman, for that matter - make a big issue of this months ago when taxpayer money first went to bail-out corporations?
Ya think the idea would have gotten a headline or two?
February 6, 2008
I had the most bizarre dream last night. If there are any head-shrinkers out there that can help me make sense of it, by all means!
OK, so its still 2009, and I'm still 35 year old me, but somehow, my life fell apart. No more Manhattan, no more owning Premier List, all gone. I'm back in my hometown of Bolton, CT. Driving my old 1981 Toyta Turcell that I used to drive then, putting a casette tape (!?!) in. Driving back to my old Bolton High School and bothering my teachers and guidance councelor about how I can get a job in this economy. Everyone kinda blows me off. It gets worse. My NYC BFF Heather (kind of a running joke, bear with me) calls and invites me to something-or-other and I pathetically tell her I can't go, because I'm back in CT. I feel like a total loser.
So I'm moved back in with my parents. They're in their late 60's and - as much as they love me - would be less than thrilled with this development. Moreover, I'm waiting tables at a place that I think was Willie's Steakhouse, where I went for my HS Senior Prom (I know, can it get more pathetic)? So I go back to the HS again and I'm kicked out for being so annoying! The indignity! As I'm leaving, there's a priest who gives me his business card and says he can help. Not just any priest - the guy who played Father Phil from The Sopranos! He's in my dream?!?!? (the guy to the right, if you didn't watch the show).
Just as I look at the card he gave me...I wake up!
I just found out last week that one of my favorite HS teachers passed - the great Mark O'Neill. Is THAT why I had this dream? Anyway, I was happy to wake up....as much as I have to do today (parties this weekend, etc), I banged out this blog. Any thoughts please email me!
February 16, 2009
I know you're busy "celebrating" Presidents Day right now. Lets be honest with ourselves, people. The epitome of a "holiday that exists as an excuse to take a day off from work" is Presidents Day!
Anyway - some quick hits:
* Thank you, thank you, thank you for supporting our Grand Opening party this past Saturday at Elevate! It was a complete success, and we'll have video & pictures up on this page later today. This Saturday should be a blast as well, as we're hosting a Fashion Week Wrap Party with designer Braden Jacobs! And the 2 Hour 10-12 Champagne Open Bar was quite the hit, so we're doing it again!
* I think I might be getting a cold. So I did some research on what actually works, and what doesn't. My way of treating the flu through the years was to OD on Nyquil until it goes away.
You're probably thinking....awwww that's cute, a baby with his little brother!
Guess what? That "little brother" is the dad!!!
Meet 4-foot tall, 13 yo Alfie Patten! Read this for all the juicy details!
February 23, 2009
So this is the "vacation version" of the Premier Blog. I'm at my parents home in Bolton, CT, and its Oscar Awards Time (Yay! Sean Penn Acts Like a Dick and Makes a Crappy Acceptance Speech that Actor Druids Clap to Because Cameras Are On them! Rock On, Spicoli!)
Me & my mom are sitting on the couch, drinking pinot, mocking Sean Mr Self Important. Fuck You, Sean! You did a good job acting in a movie….does that make you an expert on world peace? I think not - even though I agree with you on gay rights!
Sitting & bullshittng with mom is a great comedown from a quasi-date I had tonight that was interesting. My dad had to peek at her through the venetian blinds when picking me up…."a SAAB convertible, she must be doing well for herself...did you find out what year it was?" Sigh. Really, for a night, I was 16 again, just with a lot more "mileage."
This "date" has a backstory you might enjoy. Her name is Jennifer Roth, and I was a 12 year old transfer to Bolton when we first met. I was cocky, full of piss, vinegar and whatever else….she was sarcastic, which I liked, smart, and pretty.
I set my sights high, but I was a big, blonde megalomaniac and didn't give a fuck.
So when I asked her out in the Bolton Middle School Cafeteria, my 3rd day of school (hey, I was 12!!!!), I made a ginormous production out of it. I found out tonight that Jen doesn't even REMEMBER this incident taking place….me asking her out, period….even though this was my first actual crush and the incident is permanently embedded in my mind.
Without any further ado, lets just stomp a giant L on my forehead and get it over with!
Did I mention I got shot down, publically? "Welcome to Bolton, Johnnyboy!"
In High School, Jen & I were cordial - didn't run in the same circles, though - so us making plans to get together came completely out of nowhere.
Me at 15 - young, dumb and full of....
So, tonight, 23 years later, Jen and I got reacquainted over good food and booze (for those in the Hartford Area, I highly recommend Trumbull Kitchen). Jen looks great, as you can see. I have seen a lot of my old friends & foes on Facebook -- come on now - don't pretend like you haven't been curious to see how your classmates aged!
Some look great. Others? Suffice to say that once marriage/security kicks in, and a few puppies pop out…..well, in the immortal words of Paris Hilton, a "Hottie" becomes a "Nottie." (Did I really just quote fucking Paris Hilton? Anyway….)
Yes, there was an element of "making up for being a schmuck 23 years ago" involved. I'd be lying if I pretended otherwise! As for the night itself, the 5 hours flew by, and I enjoyed it. Jen will make a great catch for someone.
I really despise conversations with people you haven't seen for a while along the lines of "hey" "hey" "so what's going on" "nothing, just working a lot, you?" "doing well - damn, its cold out"....well you get the point. Tonight wasn't like that. Lots of honesty. Many "hot-awkward" moments - that's the best adjective I could come up with to generalize the night!
I actually got her OK to blog about details. She liked my blog and trusted me. Although there were SEVEN times - I counted - where "you're not going to write about this, right?" or something to that affect was said. Ultimately, I decided against it. I just don't want to blog about my social life because every hack with a blog does that. Who really cares, anyway?
I bring tonight up in this blog so my readers can appreciate the enormity of the numbers. TWENTY THREE years between being turned down, flat, and a date - a good one, at that. 23 years!!! That's gotta be a record, no?
I also believe that "hot-awkward" should be included in 2010 Webster's, and I plan on submitting it! I can clearly define the term after Sunday.
It is an epidemic in New York City that people eat with their mouths open, and "click click click" when they chew! This epidemic spreads across all ethnicities, age groups (I'll forgive children 8 or younger, that's the bar) and even across eating establishments. You're just as likely to find these open-mouth no-fucking-class eaters at a Subway as you are Peter Lugar's Steakhouse.
This morning, I went to Lenny's for breakfast - they make the BEST egg white omlettes! Anyhow, I usually remember my headphones....if I did, you would have been spared this rant. Lets just say, I spent 20 minutes with my index fingers in my ears. NOT the way you want to start your day!
People, it is very simple. Insert food into mouth. Close mouth. Chew food. Quietly. If you need to talk, WAIT until you're done chewing to begin talking again!
Hugs & kisses to those offended, feel much better now....Johnny
March 6, 2009
So, the "time" is about to change. For most of us that means the advent of Spring - more "time" in your day. For me, it means a round of disappointment.
I spent a good part of the night with a very pretty girl that looks like an exact replica of Tara Reid - PRE-plastic surgery and horrific stomach stapling/boob job. Meaning, Tara Light looks good - a "before" version of the Trainwreck pictured to your right.
I wasn't so much flirting with her - who the fuck am I kidding, of COURSE I was flirting - and Tara Lite ends up at my table.
I'm with 4 girls that I just met tonight. Its one of their birthdays (much love to Bianca) and I became friends with the girl's mom (!?!?!) at 8:30 Thursday night while playing BlackJack. Long story. But Tara Light is chilling with my friend Greg, who is with...
Well you don't care.....lets move on....
We had Matthew Broderick - ie Sarah Jessica Parker AKA Carrie Bradshaw's real life Husband and Baby Daddy at Catch-22 tonight and....well....I'm still blogging, a'int I? Women are such suckers for celebrities.
Anyway - a few topics, light housekeeping:
* So, you're going to Atlantic City. You bring some friends....an excuse to party...a $$$ budget....whatever, you know how much you can afford to lose.
And lets say you meet some high-rolling prick like me, if you choose not to make a strip club (here in AC, 100% nude) you give notice.
I'm standing outside Bare Exposure on Wednesday Night/Thursday Morning. I'm waiting for my friend Jimmy - wow that's a long story in itself - and a few Phillies I met on the way (friendly pretty girls, not the baseball team).
Here is what was amazing. We get there, and the Phillies expect ME to PAY FOR THE DUDES!!! Like I am some fucking mark. Are you kidding???
For the last time fellas: if you go to a strip club, at LEAST have the cover charge to get in to the place!!!
(The rest to come later, once I've calmed a bit...
With all due respect for Matthew Broderick and him being in "War Games" circa 1983 with Ally Sheedy, I mean, come on.....wait, am I blogging out loud?)
Sitting in a hotel room at the Borgata, and finished LOTS of work in last 5 hours - very inspired today, with a gorgeous view of the Atlantic City skyline to my right!
(and yes, this is AC trip #2 - completely unrelated to previous post. Clearly, I am a degenerate gambler! I can feel the interest of my female readers declining with every work. I even went back to Bare Exposure - with MUCH better company this time).
Anyhow, the article below is SO spot-on detailing why Facebook has cruised ahead of Myspace.
For me, from 2004-2006 I was "Myspace only" and didn't know Facebook existed. 2007-mid 2008, I treated them equally.
I update Facebook a lot, send party invites, communicate with Bolton, Clark U & Pace Law friends. In fact, the "23 years in the making date" story (scroll down) happened solely because of Facebook. Its a great networking site.
Myspace is just brutal.
How did the tides turn, and Myspace fuck up its "Glory Days" status so badly?
This article sums it up nicely:
Is MySpace Toast? by Jason Lee Miller
If it's lucky, MySpace is the new Yahoo. If unlucky, and it is unlucky lately, MySpace is AOL. Facebook has supplanted it, and will continue to do so, in much the same way Google ran past Yahoo, and for many of the same reasons.
The suspicion was there from the start of the social networking phenomenon MySpace spearheaded. When it stops being cool, what then? Well, then is now, and MySpace is a strip mall in a sleazy part of town. Traffic is down. Revenues are down. Executives are stepping down.
Back in 2005, when the buzz first came on about MySpace, I took a look and said, simply "meh." The profiles seemed ugly and pointless. It seemed faddy and a lot of work just for the sake of coolness. In general, the site reminded me of slap bracelets, Beanie Babies, and acid washed jeans mixed with red plastic cups, bathroom walls and booty calls.
And then News Corporation took it over.
But I wasn't 15, so what did I know? I regarded it like one of those teenage nightclubs creepy old men go to for no good reason at all. I just didn't have any business there, and that may be just one of the problems leading to MySpace's eventual peak.
High school student Jacob Ruffman, quoted today by McClatchy, has his own more teenage reasons. "I can go to the Facebook home page and see what's going on with my friends. Then I flip over to MySpace and I get kicked in the face with colors and flashing penguins."
Jacob's at odds with my stepson, who's 15 now and recently lamented that all his friends, like Jacob, had switched to Facebook. He could really customize his MySpace profile they way he had once customized his abandoned Gaia profile. And his parents and grandparents weren't on MySpace the way they were on Facebook.
Coincidentally, about the same time he told me that his friends had all switched, a friend my own age had worried he'd not hear important news from home if he wasn't on Facebook like everybody else. About that time too Facebook had started to overcome MySpace in terms of visitors.
Compete.com shows the shift began late last year. Facebook equaled MySpace around December, and by January had surpassed it, a huge feat considering how MySpace dwarfed Facebook this time last year. Compete says MySpace traffic is down by 5 percent for the year, though it still attracted over 58 million unique US visitors. Facebook on the other hand is up 125 percent for the year, and grabbed over 68 million visitors. On an international level, Comscore says Facebook is outdrawing MySpace by 110 million monthly visitors.
Taking a direct hit from MySpace's woes is Photobucket, another Fox Interactive (News Corp.) property. MySpace had helped propel Photobucket to holding 45 percent of the online photo sharing market--just half a year ago. In February, Photobucket traffic declined by 24 percent, according to Hitwise, and Flickr is near to supplanting it as well. How quickly things can change.
I guess now, the question is why things turned around completely in just a couple of months. A year ago, Facebook wasn't anywhere near MySpace, no threat at all. Well, part of it is, I think, MySpace's time has come and gone. That doesn't mean it won't stay a reasonably popular and trafficked site, but, like Yahoo, MySpace will be a distant second at least.
Effectively, MySpace has been googled by Facebook for much of the same reason Google googled Yahoo. Facebook is cleaner, more intuitive, and has better features. Its members are rabid devotees who freak out at the slightest provocations. But they don't leave. They protest until things change. Facebook has loyalty MySpace never did.
And while Facebook is opening up more and more, and making, as CEO Mark Zuckerberg said last week, "hundreds" of upgrades over the coming weeks, what has absentee landlord MySpace been launching?
Ooh look, an HP cosponsored print button, and a MySpace cobranded credit card.